woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize