My Higher Power is John Stamos
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
