It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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