we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
