Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
