Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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