Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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