This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
