eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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