If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
