Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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