i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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