dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
