i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
