He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet