my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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