do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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