end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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