Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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