ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
