i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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