Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
