i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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