There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We need to rekindle our bromance
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
