Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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