apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
