so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
