The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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