We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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