I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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