is your mom at the bar?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
