I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
