I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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