I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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