i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.