I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
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If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask