lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?