I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.