my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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I think this conversation is over.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?