She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much