it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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