I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
