Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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