bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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