you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
