dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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