I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
