every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
