Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
