At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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