i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
