I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
