I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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