I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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