sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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