toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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