It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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