Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
