i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
