i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
