I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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