his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
