yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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